Finding Me: How to cope with High Functioning Anxiety
This post is a continuation of my previous post Finding Me: not the mom-me or the wife-me and Finding me (part II) On that post, I began to share my journey after encouragement from those around me. I recommend everyone to read those posts first, so this one makes more sense. Thanks for stopping by and your ongoing support!
About a year ago, around this time I begun to see my therapist. I was fortunate enough to find someone I connected with. Not long after that, I begun to feel better. I think seeing her was the first step, but there were many steps I took that lead me to the path I'm on now. For so long, I was unaware of how bad my anxiety was and I think my therapist was the first one to really tell me that what I was doing was not okay. In this post I will focus on how I cope and got better-the final step in my journey.
I now know that what I have is called, high functioning anxiety, the medical term is Generalized Anxiety. I linked an article that explains this really well (basically some of this is a summary of that article but in my own words). For many, they are shocked to hear that I was going through anything because I acted normal, maybe even better than normal, so how depressed or anxious can I truly be right? The danger with this is that its easy to convince ourselves that everything is fine. Look at all I have going for me and how well I'm doing... so why am I feeling so unbelievably sad? High functioning anxiety looks like "Achievement. Busyness. Perfectionism. If you look close enough you can see the panic that flashes through my eyes when a plan changes." (One of my favorite quotes in this other article i love)
So the first step was becoming aware of my symptoms and how it affected those around me and what I could do to get better. I learned about the warning signs that pop up and how to adjust as I notice the subtle changes in my actions and feelings. For example, I subconsciously when I'm stressed, fill my schedule up. In the past I thought nothing of it. Now I know that I do that as a bad coping mechanism-im so busy, I don't have time to deal with the bad emotions I might be feeling. Im much better now about catching this and other subtle changes. This helped me stay in control and i do think it helped my marriage a ton as well.
Another step I took that you read about in the last post was opening up to my mom and best friend. They are my support system. I have continued to talk to them about my feelings or simply just vent to them if I need to. I really believe that has helped me to not isolate myself. Sometimes when I'm having a bad day or week, they validate my feelings and remind me to get back up again.
I also learned to give myself some "me" time and stop feeling guilty about it. I have always put everyone else needs before mine. Well, no more. If I don't want to do something... I don't. As long as I'm expressing my needs appropriately, theres nothing wrong with prioritizing my needs and wants. I need to take care of myself-no one else will. If I need some time alone or I need something... I now ask for it.
When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I needed to learn through trial and error, what coping mechanisms I could use. I have tried many things and have landed on some that work for me. Prayer is one. I pray everyday thanking GOD for looking over us. If I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm home, i take a long, hot shower. The newest thing I learned to use as a copying mechanism is shuffling cards. If I'm overwhelmed and a shower is not an option, I shuffle the Luminous card deck I got. I think its so pretty and the pictures have all these different meanings. I think they are beautiful.
Another decision I made that helped was, going part-time at work. I had worked my way up in the company I worked for and was doing really well, even with all the chaos happening outside of work. I loved my role at work but I was missing out on a lot as a mother and that was emotionally taking a toll. I know that not everyone can afford to do this but somehow I convinced my husband we could afford to do it and he agreed. This is literally my dream come true, I have dreamed of going part time and focusing on motherhood and I finally made it happen. Thank God, not long after that my husband found a better paying job that made the change in lifestyle easier for us. I feel blessed every day that I can take my daughter to school and her swim classes and cook for her and my husband.
Another step I took was distancing myself or eliminating negativity in my life. I learned that negative people are a trigger for me. Im not advising anyone to go ahead and just eliminate people out of your life but it might help to set some boundaries and get some distance. For example, there are certain family members that are negative and do things that make me angry or make me feel anxious but I don't want to eliminate those people from my life. So what I do is distance myself when I'm feeling overwhelmed by them. I might not see them as often or talk to them as often and that is okay. If they get upset about it, honestly I don't care anymore. My well being is far more important.
Find things that give you a mood boost is another thing I figured out. I love gardening, I love decorating and I love photography. Now I have more time to do the things I love. Im shooting more weddings, I am proud to say I am a plant mom and no longer kill plants... at least not all of them ha ha ha ha. And my home is beautifully decorated, I'm very passionate about the pieces I picked out for our home.
I no longer feel like I am not good enough, I feel the most confident about myself that I have ever felt. I no longer blame myself for the bad things that happen to those around me. I no longer feel the weigh of trying to do it all and fixing everyones problems. I am happy with myself and no longer set these unrealistic expectations, I am human and can only do so much and its okay. I found myself again, I have learned to accept me for who I am, I feel grounded. I learned that I am good enough, I have learned that its ok to feel what I feel-the good and the bad. I have learned to manage those feelings-they no longer control me. I am strong, I am proud of me and all I have accomplished. I finally know who I am now, me... not the mom me, not the wife me, not the career me... but ME.
If you or a loved one is suffering from depression please seek professional help. Sharing my journey is not meant to be medical or professional advice. Im sharing this with the hope of helping others know, they are not alone.
Thank you for reading.
